EliteJokes

Is he serious?

2008-10-31T23:12:00.000-04:00

Wow..

Elite Cereal or l33t cereal

2008-10-30T20:57:00.000-04:00

Oh em gee! A new l33t product is out!!

The best Christmas ever!

2008-10-19T17:54:00.000-04:00

These kids are so lucky, I wish I got guns for Christmas :(

Weird dance - WTF?!

2008-10-16T21:30:00.000-04:00

WTF is he doing?

Letting it all out - The manly way

2008-10-15T20:53:00.000-04:00

Yeah, it's that big.

Price of Gas - It's over 9000!

2008-10-07T21:07:00.001-04:00

Don't forget to comment :D

The best way to get rid of your kids

2008-10-02T18:50:00.000-04:00

Don't forget to comment

Blonde Joke - The circle

2007-11-01T17:47:00.000-04:00

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

Jewish Pirate Jokes

2007-10-30T18:33:00.000-04:00

Q: What is a pirate’s favorite masechet of Talmud?
A: ARRRRRRRachin.

Q: Who is a pirate’s favorite biblical prophet?
A: ZechARRRRRiah.

Q: What is a pirate’s favorite Yiddishist socialist organization?
A: The ARRRRbeter Ring.

Q: Who is a pirate’s favorite Republican Jewish senator?
A: ARRRRRRRRlen Specter.

Q: Who is a pirate’s favorite Democratic Jewish senator?
A: BARRRRRbara Boxer.

Q: Who is a pirate’s favorite amora?
A: DARRRRRu bARRRRR Papa.

Q: What is a pirate’s favorite Israeli newspaper?
A: Yedi’ot. (You probably thought it was Ha’ARRRRRetz, but that’s far too intellectual for the average pirate.)

Jew jokes 4

2007-10-30T18:31:00.001-04:00

You've heard about the big controversy on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

Jewish telegram:
"Begin worrying. Details to follow."

A Jewish Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar and announces that his wife has just given birth to a baby boy weighing 20 pounds which even for a Texan is atypical. Congratulations shower him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" are heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the Texas baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How is he doing? What does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender is both puzzled and concerned. "Why? What happened? He already weighed 20 pounds at birth. How is it he lost so much weight?"
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star, wipes his lips on his shirtsleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had the bris."

One Saturday morning on Memorial Day weekend, the rabbi noticed little David was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the synagogue. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the rabbi walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning David."
"Good morning, Rabbi," replied the young boy, still focused on the plaque. "Rabbi, what is this?"
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little David's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which one, the Friday night or the Saturday morning?"

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little Jewish man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet and bedraggled. As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels to go, please?"
The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"
"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Bernice."
"Bernice is your wife?" Asked the baker.
"What do you think," snapped the little man, "my mother would send me out on a night like this?"

Jew jokes 3

2007-10-30T18:29:00.000-04:00

5759 Year according to Jewish calendar; 4696 Year according to Chinese calendar;
1063 Total number of years that Jews went without Chinese food.

What did the waiter ask the group of Jewish mothers?
"Is anything all right?"

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
(Sigh) Oh, don't bother. I'll just sit here in the dark.

Sam Levy was driving down the road, gets pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Sam's car, the policeman says, "Your wife fell out of the car 5 miles back." Sam replies, "Thank god for that. I'd thought I'd gone deaf! "

Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:
"They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat."

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself", she replied.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

A young Jewish man calls his mother and says, "Mom, I'm bringing home a wonderful woman I want to marry. She's a Native American and her name is Shooting Star."
"How nice," says his mother.
"I have an Indian name too," he says. "It's Running Water" and you have to call me that from now on."
"How nice," says his mother.
"You have to have an Indian name too, Mom," he says.
"I already do," says the mother. "Just call me Sitting Shiva."

A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

Jew jokes 2

2007-10-26T18:18:00.002-04:00

Why did the Jew want his own kid?
Cheap labor.

What repulsive thing can be found in a Jew's clothes?
The occupant.

What has a big nose, stinks, and acts like a repulsive jerk?
The typical Jew.

Why did the gas company fire the Jew?
He was allergic to gas.

Why are Jews' pants so big?
So they don't need to buy a wallet.

Why don't Jews eat pork?
The Torah prohibits cannibalism.

What did the Jew say to the bank teller?

I want MORE!

Where does the Jew look for dates?
Porn sites.

Why does the Jew hate his own reputation?
The truth hurts!

What caused the Jew's biggest problem?
The greatest man who ever lived, ADOLF HITLER!

Jew Jokes

2007-10-26T18:18:00.001-04:00

Why does a Jew pick his nose?
It's cheaper than using a tissue.

What is the title of the Jew favorite how-to-book?
"How to Make Money!"

When a Jew throws a party, what do his guests drive?
The goys crazy!

Why did the Jew rush to the discount store?

The ad said: "CHEAP!!!"

Why is the rhinoceros jealous of Jews?
Jews have bigger noses.

What time is bed time at the Jew's house?
When electricity is too expensive.

What do Jews and niggers both like to ride?
Blondes.

What is the worst stain on a Jew's underwear?
Lipstick from a Jewess.

Why does the Jew do after one of his friends leaves?

He checks the sofa for loose change.

What did the sunbather shout at the Jew?
No, I won't PAY you for sunshine!

What is a Jew's ideal of a perfect 10?
Any blonde he can get.

Question and answer blond jokes 7

2007-10-26T18:15:00.000-04:00

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Question and answer blond jokes 6

2007-10-25T16:18:00.005-04:00

Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Question and answer blond jokes 5

2007-10-25T16:18:00.003-04:00

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn't know what number came first.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: Why did it take the blonde seven days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago?
A: She kept seeing signs that read "stop clean bathroom".

Question and answer blond jokes 4

2007-10-25T16:18:00.001-04:00

Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Question and answer blond jokes 3

2007-10-25T16:17:00.003-04:00

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. c0pyr|ghta!haj0k3s

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

Question and answer blond jokes 2

2007-10-25T16:17:00.001-04:00

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
A: No smoking.

Q: What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside?
A: She grabs a bowl.

Question and answer blond jokes

2007-10-25T16:16:00.003-04:00

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

The Dead Bird

2007-10-25T16:16:00.001-04:00

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park.
The brunette says suddenly, "Oh, look at that dead bird."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

Blonde - Speeding

2007-10-25T16:15:00.001-04:00

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and now today you expect me to show it to you."

Questions & Answers

2007-10-25T16:13:00.000-04:00

Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You can't, they have always been like that.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q. What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make?
A. A wind tunnel.

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Q. How does a blonde try to kill a fish?
A. She drowns it.

Q. What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.

Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven't met!

Q. A blonde is going to London on a plane. How can you steal her window seat?
A. Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.

Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!

Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.

Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized

Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom

Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!

Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes

Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.

Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Q. What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
A. They both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.

Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.

Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.

Q. Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A. So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry....

Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A. "Way to go team!"

Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL

Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.

Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You get to park in the handicap zone.

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747.

Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.

Q. What do blondes and cow poop have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!

Q. What does a blonde say when you ask her what the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!

Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A. They know how many went down on the Titanic.

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.

Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it...

Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
A. Because they have blond boyfriends

Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up

Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.

Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.

Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.

Q. What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A. A wine and cheese party!

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.

Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?
A. Oh no, I'm going to fall again!

Yo mama jokes

2007-10-25T16:12:00.002-04:00

Yo mama so fat when she sit down we have to add another country to the map
Rich Milner

Yo Mama so ugly when she was a baby they stuck her in a corner and fed her with a slingshot.
Yo mam so ugly she grabbed for the remote and it jumped off the couch
from Dawn R

Yo mama's like a pirate, there she blows
Yo mama is so fat she has three shirt sizes, jumbo, humongus, and "OH
MY GOD IT'S COMING TOWARDS US!!"
from Birdie Brown

Yo mama so poor i saw her kicking a can down the street and asked her what she was doing she said moving.
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed with her to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so damn stupid on a job application it said "sex" and she wrote Monday wednesday and sometimes friday.
from Iffath Firzana aka Da Sexy Hooka

Paris and Rico walked into the locker room holding his side and bending over. Paris says "ow man im so sore" Dario asks " whats wrong?" Paris replies " man yo mama was rough last night" Rico adds " she needs to loosen up"
from LaL08Kb12004

Yo mama such a dirty whore that they're having to paternity test the whole state of Texas just to find out who yo daddy is!
from HumorSphere

Yo mamma so old that in the back seat of your car, kids don't say 'Are we there yet', they scream, 'Is she Dead yet!'
from HumorSphere

Yo mamas so hairy wen u were born u almost died of rugburn
from Ted M Nugent

Yo mama smells so bad, when she went to make friends with a skunk, the skunk got hit by a truck on purpose!
from Melissa

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and nearly pissed her
pants
Yo mama so fat her logo is "we are family, burger king, mc donalds and
me..."
Yo mama so fat she has all the food caterers on speed dial
from Ross Yates

Yo mama is so big she tripped over wal-mart and landed on target and evey time she passes by the t.v. i miss a seoson of friends
from Yo You Cool

Your mommas so old someone told her to act her age and she died
from MeMe

Yo mama so poor that when i stepped on a cigarette she cried, hey, who turned off the heater.
from Chris Matian

Your sister is so ugly she reminds me of your mom.
from Yosvaldo

Yo mamma so ugly, yo daddy would rather kiss her ass before going work everyday
from Raynell Roberts

Your moms so ugly the mailman mistacked her as the dog.
fromneimanoriginals

You mama so fat she stepped on an airplane and it turned into a submarine
from Spfazzini

This is a fact, yo mama's breath Is wack, she needs a tic, not a tac, but the whole damn pack
I don't mean to be mean, but yo mama needs listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole damn bottle.
from Alyssa Rosemond

Yo Mama's teeth are so yellow, cars slow down when she smiles!
Yo Mama's breath is so bad, she made a tic tac run away!
from Heather

Your jokes are so corny that the corns on your toes got jealous.
Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she was arrested for 1st degree murder.
from Geb Berde

Yo mama like a fast food restaraunt - quick and easy!!!
from Womack

Yo moma is so fat when it rains she uses a highway for a slip 'n' slide
from Michael Ryan

Yo mamma so damn fat that when she traveled back to the dinosaur times and she took a step the dinosaurs said what the hell is happing...oh sh*t its a real damn earthquake.
from Haley Bumm

Your mama so stupid when she saw a kid dress as a devil in halloween she thouth she was in hell
from Big J

Yo Momma's so ugly, even Sloth from the Goonies wouldn't date her.
from Humorsphere

Yo mama like a shotgun - five cocks and shes loaded
from Zane Powell

Yo Mamma so damn ugly she makes Anne Ramsey look like J Lo.
from Humorsphere

Yo' mamma so ugly she got arrested for vandalizing a mirror shop.
from Game Fisher

Yo mama so stupid she put a peep hole in a glass door
from MJ Dennis

Yo mama like nascar - two rubbers and shes ready to ride.
from Nancy Decatur

Yo mama's so ugly, she made a blind man cry!
from Gill Gill

Yo mamma so old, fat and hairy, that when she took you to the zoo the zookeepers thought a silverback Gorilla had abducted you!
from Humorsphere

Yo mama so fat, that when u were born, they had 2 send out a search party to find ya!
from jamie p

Yo mama soooo ugly, she works as a double for Saddam Hussein.
from Humorsphere

Yo moma so stupid if she would to speak her mind she would be speachless
PRETTYBOY1008

Yo mama soooo poor she can't even pay attention!
from She Devil

Yo kid brother so damn ugly that the kids at school have started saying, "Hey Gollum, give us your autograph"
from Humorsphere

Yo mama so0o0o fat, one day she walked out with a yellow rain jacket on and the children began yelling, "Hey, the School Bus is here!"
from She Devil

Yo mama so0o0o fat, she takes baths in the Atlantic Ocean
from She Devil

Listen buddy, your mommy is so freakin dumb that if you told her pappa was a rolling stone, she'd tell her momma to put mick jagger on child support!
from Mista Jodyson

Yo Momma so damn fat the Police where going to use her as an emergency air mattress when Michael Jackson started dangling his baby.
from Bubbles, the Humorsphere Chimp

Hey, yo momma so damn fat when her beeper goes off people turn around to see if she is backin up!!
from Mike Whitlow

Yo moma so fat when she wears a yellow rain coat all the people yell "taxi"
from She Devil

Yo mama's so damn fat that when she was kidnapped her face covered every side of the milk carton!
from Dawn K

You so ugly when a friend walked you into school the teachers said sorry no pets aloud!
from TFLM 2000

Your Mama so dumb she brought a spoon to the super bowl.
from TFLM 2000

Yo Mama's so damn ugly that she turned your dad gay.
from Teresa M Malca

Yo mama's so bald, Mr. Clean got jealous.
from Teresa M Malca

Hey, your Momma is so sluttie I'd call her a hoe but hoes' get paid.
from B. W. Burline

Yo Mamas so damn greasy that she has to use bacon for a bandaid.
from B. W. Burline

Yo' mama so dumb she got locked inside Matress World and slept on the floor.
from Sergio Aleman

Yomomma so hairy that when she puts her arm to her side it looks like she has Don King in a headlock.
from Sergio Aleman

Yo mama so stupid that she got stabbed in a shoot out.
from Sergio Aleman

Yo mama so fat that when she went to sea world the little kids ran away and told their parents that a whale escaped.
from Sergio Aleman

Yo' Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
from Kerry Scott

Yo mama so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch.
from Mr Mundotr

Yo' Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
from Kerry Scott

Your mama's so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
from AclHug

Yo Mama so damn old she used to Gang Bang with the Flintstones and had an affair with Captain Caveman.
from Jimbo Paul

Yo mamas so fat she shoved a battery up her ass and yelled "I got the Power!".
from CloseToAnguish

Yo mama so stupid and clumsy, she got tangled in a cordless phone.
from WVscrgrl7

Yo mama soooo fat, she put on a yellow dress and the kids thought she was the school bus.
from WVscrgrl7

Yo' Sista's just like a like a Popsicle - everybody wants a fuckin lick!
from Mr Fook Yu

Yo Mamma's so hairy she just got an armpit trim and lost 20 pounds!
from Ms Fook Mi

Yo Moma sooooo ugly, I could have been yo Daddy but the dog beat me under the fence!
from Kelly-Jo

Yo momma is soooooo stupid, she wears a t-shirt that says "hukd on fonicks woorkd fo mi"
from Kelly-Jo

Yo mam like a screen door - after a couple of bangs she tends to loosen up.
from Default

Yo mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and made Skittles!
from Queenb12

Yo mama so stupid she puts a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept
from LowRider

I heard that Yo mama is on the warpath - she lost a finger and now can't count past 9...

Yo mama so nasty when she masterbates, she gets arrested for cruelty to animals.
from A Blanchard

Yo mama's blind and is seeing another man.

Yo mama's glasses are so damn thick she can see into the future.

Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

You gotta tell yo moma to stop changing lipstick color - I'm now getting a freakin Rainbow on my d**k!

Yo sista so damn stupid on her last job application where it said 'Sex?' she marked "M, F, and occasionally on a Thursday too.."

You' big brother so damn stupid that on his last job application, under emergency contact he put 999 (911).

Yo mam is so stupid - I just aks her about her X-Men and she said: "Well, my first baby's daddy was Jimmy...and I still see Johnny on Fridays...."

Yo Grannie so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.

Yo Mother in law's teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road.

Yo Momma's like a Snickers bar - packed full with with nuts.

Yo ex-girlfriend's like Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

Yo mama's like a race car driver...she burns a lot of rubbers...

Yo Auntie just like the Suez Canal - Vessels full of Seamen passing through everyday...

Yo gilfriends's afro so damb big, when the bitch got in my car everyone thought I had tinted windows.

Yo Mama ass so huge she take up 5 rows in the cinema...

Yo Papa's so short, he tried to commit suicide with a pin.

Yo Grannie's so enormous that when she went to the drycleaners to hand in her underwear, they put up a sign - 'NO PARACHUTES ALLOWED'

You Biology teacher so freakin stupid she thinks that DNA is the National Dyslexics Association.

Yo' best friend so idiotic she thoughtt Menopause was a button on her walkman.

You Momma so fat and stupid that her waist is bigger than her I.Q.

Tell Yo' girlfriend my Dog wanna know how much he owes her for last night...

Yo' papa so damn strange that he invented a water-proof teabag.

Yo mother in law so bald that when she put on a sweater, folk thought she was a roll on deoderant!

Did you know flies were given wings so that they could beat yo mama to the dump?

I heard yo house was made out of bog paper - why? cuz your whole family full of crap!

Yo kid brother so fat and ugly Peter Jackson offered him the part of the Cave Troll in lord of the rings

You Nose so damn big that we use yer snotters as Footballs.

Yo Momma so mad that she even made Kurt Russell escape from LA.

Yo Nana so ghetto she washes paper plates.

Oi, yo need to tell you mama to stop wearing the blue lipstick...I got balls like a smurf now!

You so skinny, you turned sideways and disappeared.

Yo mama's so bald, when she braids her hair, it remind me of stitches.

Yo Mama so fat when she steps on a scale it reads "One at a time, please".

Yo mama so fat and stupid that she was fired from Forrest Gump cuz she kept eating the box of chocolates.

Yo Sista so fat the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.

Yo Mama so poor that she uses tumbleweed as a Xmas tree.

You Mommy so hairy she's got afros on her nipples.

Yo' mama breath so disgustingly bad that she needs Freshmints with batteries in it

Yo Papa's like an old arcade machine - toss in a quarter and you can play with his joystick.

Yo mama such a bitch, she interned for Clinton.

Anything Yo's - So Damn Stupid

2007-10-25T16:12:00.001-04:00

Yo Poppa so stupid he studied for a Dope test!

Yo Postman so stupid that on his recorded delivery form where it says 'Don't write below dotted line', he puts 'OK'

Yo teacher so stupid she booked herself into the Bettie Ford clinic cos she thought she was Hooked On Phonics.

Yo Boss so stupid he bought everybody in the department solar powered flashlights incase of a blackout...

Yo Business associate so stupid he thought Gangrene was another golf course.

Your Kid Sister so damn stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a Hot Dog.

Yo' Sister is so insanely stupid that last week she asked me to go to the lost and found with her when she missed her period.

Yo Dentist so stupid he uses mayonnaise as tooth filler

Yo Sister so dumb that she thought Taco Bell was Mexican phone company.

Your Grandpa so achingly stupid he think Beirut is a famous baseballer.

Your kid bro so stupid he try to strangle himself with his mobile phone.

Yo Minister so stupid he gives Sermons on Genesis....Phil Collins old band...

Your Kid sister so damn stupid she stands up on an empty School bus.

Yo Mom so stupid that Oxford had to change the definition of Dumb...it now read: Dumb(n) - yo' Mama

Yo Burglar so stupid he broke into yo house and stole food stamps

You cousin so stupid I told him to take out the garbage...so he moved house...

Yo Bus driver so stupid that she went to Disneyworld, saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so drove home.

Yo Politics professor so stupid he ask George W Bush to guest lecture on Government 101.

Yo' accountant so darn stupid he thinks a Quarterback is an income tax refund.

Your Computer Repairman so stupid he picks up your floppy's with magnets

Yo Mother-in-law so stupid, she won first place in the Dan Quale spelling contest

Yo Archeology Professor so damn stupid they have to dig for her IQ!

Yo Girlfriend so stupid, she teaches night classes at Stupid College.

Yo' Father in law so idiotic that he took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo Sister's so stupid she could trip over a cordless telephone.

Yo Dog walker so stupid he took yo pet dog to the Clippers game to get him a haircut

Your Big Sister so god awfully stupid that they had to burn her school down just to get her out of 3rd grade.

Yo Father's so freakin stupid he has 1 toe on each foot, yet he just bought himself a pair of flip flops.

You Grandma's so stupid when I tell her it's chilly outside, she goes to fetch a bowl.

Your Grandpa so freakin stupid he sent me a fax with a 1st class stamp on it!

Yo BT Telephone repairman so freakin stupid he asked me what the number for 999 was...

Yo girlfriend so stupid when her Apple Mac says 'You've got mail" she runs outside to wait for the Postman

Yo Uncle so astonishingly stupid that he thought Nestle Cheerio's were a new type of Donut Seed

Yo Auntie so dumb her weekly shopping list consist of 1 item - 'Hundreds and thousands'

Your Dog's so stupid he bury's his own tail

Yo mama's so stupid, wait...she had you didn't she!

Yo Mother in law so stupid I saw her in Safeway's frozen food section with a fishing rod

Yo Uncle so stupid...heck, he marry your Auntie for christ sake!

Yo Priest so stupid I saw him worshiping at the feet of David Copperfield

Yo Reverand so stupid he asks David Ike for advice

Yo Grannie so dumb she go to the 24-hr convenience store and asks what time do they close...

Yo Mother in law so hellishly stupid, that Tony Blair is considering making dumbness a crime, punishable by lethal injection.

Your doctor's so stupid he uses his mp3 player as a stethoscope

Yo mama's so stupid

2007-10-25T16:11:00.001-04:00

Yo Mama's So Stupid

I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...

she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner

she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!

it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

she sold her Car for Petrol cash!

she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...

she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.

she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

she invented a silent car alarm.

that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean

she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...

she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.

she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

she lost her shadow.

she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job

she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.

she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.

when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'

You Momma so Stupid that they even make Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags she can understand

Yo momma like

2007-10-25T16:10:00.001-04:00

Yo Momma Like

a hardware store - only 10 cents a screw.

a bus - only 50 pence a ride

a 747 - a 3 man cock pit!

a shotgun - first she cocks...then she blows.

a Hoover - she sucks, blows, and finally gets laid back in the closet...

a BT phonebox - on every damn corner and costs only 20p a go

an arcade machine - dirty, smelly, costs 20 pence and lasts 30 seconds

a door knob - cos everybody gets a turn!

the sun - if you stare at her too long you're gonna go blind.

a Christmas tree - everybody hangs balls on her.

Pizza Hut - not there in 30 minutes...it's free.

a Bowling Ball - she gets picked up, fingered, thrown into the gutter, yet she still comes back for more...

a stamp - you lick her, then stick her, and finally then send her away.

McDonalds ... Billions and Billions served...

a railroad track - she gets laid all over the country.

the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody loves to poke her

a Scooter - everybody ridin her but nobody admitting it

peanut butter -- oh so smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.

Anything Yo's

2007-10-25T16:09:00.001-04:00

Yo Mamma's feet so skanky that when your family wants jam pieces, she gets yo brother to run a loaf of bread between her toes.

Yo' Grannies neck so damn wrinkled, I use it as a cheese grater.

I got notin bad to say about Yo Momma - heck, her face says it all...

Your pet Cat so freakin nasty it bit ma dog and gave it rabies.

Yo Auntie so stinkin that a skunk smelled her butt and passed out.

Yo mama's so poor, TV dinner trays are her good china.

Damn it, just realised that last yo is as old as the crust in yo Sister's knickers...

You liked that mama joke didn't ya? Good?...well, nowhere near as good as Yo Mama was last night :)

But, hey, if I wanted a comeback, christ, I'd just wipe it off Yo Mamma's chin...

Yo Mama like a television - even a 2 year old can turn her on!

You brother so hairy Big foot is taking his picture..

Yo Mother in law so stinky she use Right Guard and Left Guard.

Your Grandpa's so hairy, Jane Goodall follows him around.

Yo Star wars geeky friend so damn hairy, she's a stunt double for Chewbacca and her baby daughter played the leader of the Ewoks (no makeup needed).

Yo English teacher so damn stupid, she failed a survey...

Yo Sista like a mailbox, open all day and all night...

Yo mama's so clumsy, she got tangled up in a Mobile phone.

Yo mama's like an elevator - blokes go up and down on her all day. Yo Mother in law so dmamnd Dislexus when I told her to go get some Head and Shoulders...she jump on top of me Shoulders and gave me head!!!

Your IM buddies so damn stanky, I can smell them over the interweb

Only job yo ever gonna get is as a blind bird-watcher.

Yo idiotic Doctor so damn greasy that he uses Bacon as a bandaid

Yo Dog so short it's best friend is an Ant.

Yo Auntie so flat chested she jealous of the wall.

Yo girlfriend so cheap I threw her a penny for sex and she gave me change...

The first line in the Bible was mistranslated - it actually reads - 'In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth and yo' fat ugly Mama'

Yo Grandpa's house so damned cold, the Roaches ice skate around the kitchen.

Yo Momma house so small that I put my Key in the doorlock and broke the freakin back window!

I heard yo mama got fired from her job at the sperm bank - the boss caught her drinking on the job...

Yo baby sista's nose so long, it make Steffi Graf jealous...

Yo Mam so damn ugly, look like the ho was hit by the whole freakin Ugly Tree!!!

Yo Mama so old - heck, the first line of the Koran was mistranslated - it should read 'All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds and Father of Yo' Mama'...

I heard that yo Granny was so disgustingly ugly that on a holiday to Egypt she looked up a Camel's ass and scared the hump off of it!

Yo Driving Instructor so damn old he got hieroglyphics on his Driver license.

Yo Cousin so old she drives a chariot to High school

I took yo Mama to the Doctor's - I tell him that she feeling poorly and that she only got 1 toe and 1 knee. Doc tells me she's contracted 'Tony'...

Yo Boss so damn ugly that when he leaned out the window the Police arrested him for attempted murder

That Grandpa of your's so stupid and poor that when I came over for Dinner he read me recipes...

Yo wee brother so damn hairy that he went for a short back and sides and lost 30 pounds...

Yo mama's chest hair so damn long, it growing all the way down to her willy.

Yo mama's so nice, she offered me the hair off her back.

Yo Mother in law so nasty, she got more clap than an auditorium.

I's apologise for talkin bout Yo Mama...I should know better...hell, I don't even know the Man...

No seriously, under all that hair yo Mama is really a Saint....a saint Bernard!

But really, yo Mamma is just like a golf course - everybody gets a hole in one!

Yo Nana still so fat she wears a Microwave as a beeper.

And yo Mother-in-law so huge she stole my pillow cases when she ran outta socks.

Yo mama should be locked away, cos every time she moons people they turn into werewolves

She nasty too ya know - yo daddy just got out of hospital after eating her out - he caught food poisining...

Yo'momma so ugly she actually is very good at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo mama godzilla

2007-10-25T16:07:00.000-04:00

Your moma so fat when she got out of the house in a green shirt, people in japan started screaming "GODZILLA!!!!!!!"

Purchasing a new bird

2007-10-25T16:06:00.001-04:00

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.

This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.

The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"

Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"

Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.

When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"

Question and answer animal jokes

2007-10-25T16:05:00.001-04:00

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the armadillo that it was possible.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Colonel Sanders!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: Because it was a double-crosser.

Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
A: To take over the other side.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A: To get to the other tide.

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens hadn't evolved yet.

Yo mama is so old

2007-10-22T19:51:00.001-04:00

Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.

Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!

Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo mama is so poor

2007-10-22T19:50:00.000-04:00

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut.

Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

Yo mama is so stupid jokes

2007-10-22T19:49:00.003-04:00

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read

Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.

Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"

Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo mama so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo mama so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

Yo mama so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.

Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

Yo mama is so fat jokes

2007-10-22T19:49:00.001-04:00

Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat were in her right now

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!

Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!

Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!

Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.

Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!

Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!

Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!

Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too

Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!

Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.

Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.

Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.

Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.

Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.

Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her

Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.

Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.

Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family

Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through

Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.

Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.

Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.

Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!

Yo mama so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.

Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out

Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth

Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.

Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.

Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....

Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.

Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean.

Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.

Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.

Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet